Let Me
I have been a maker-of-things ever since I received my first box of crayons. I can still remember the smell of that box and the feel of a brand new crayon against that textured beige coloring book paper. And how it made me feel— like only my imagination was the limit.
Let’s rewind.
I was in a life-altering accident in the summer of 1988. Both my dad and I were caught in a brush fire on the outskirts of our hometown in California. Lucky for us, people driving by in the distance saw the flames and called for help. But by that time, my dad and I both had 3rd degree burns over 80% of our bodies. I spent the next 2.5 months at the Grossman Burn Center in Los Angeles. I’m told it was the best of the best, even then. (side note: they have since opened a center in my home town.) I survived (obviously) but my mom became a single mother with two small girls in the blink of an eye.
The accident gave me physical and emotional scars that forever altered the way I experienced the world. My mom was loving and she always did what she thought was best for us. But watching her struggle was hard and being the kid that was different was lonely. I was shy and lacked self-confidence. I had friends but I wasn’t a “joiner.” I eventually found band and spent high school pounding out rhythms in drumline.
I also found solitude in art. My sketchbook (and all ‘hands-on-crafty-stuff”) was the one place I could be me. It was also the one place I felt closest to my mom.
My mom was also a maker. She sewed her own clothes, she baked from scratch, she had a fully-stocked craft room. Need 3 dozen cookies for class? On it. 50 handmade pom poms for a halloween costume? No problem.
My dad had been a maker also, just an analytical one. He built things with his hands and loved learning how things worked.
So it’s no surprise that my creative side continued to develop, weaving in strengths from both parents. I didn’t just like knowing that something worked, like how blue and orange always look amazing together, but I wanted to know WHY they complimented each other (hint: it’s science!). I’m inspired by individuality and unique experiences, abstract art and organic forms. But at the same time I will geek out over learning how to make a process repeatable or deconstructing a problem to build a solution. And these two sides of me are my strength as a designer.
So when I told my mom I wanted to be an art major at the age of 17, i’m sure it was of no surprise to her, but I was surprised when I got pushback. She wanted a better life for me than selling paintings on street corners in Venice Beach, which is what she thought one did with an art degree apparently. To be honest, I didn’t know what one did with an art degree either. So I got a teaching credential. Seemed logical. Seemed like a win-win.
I lasted ONE year as a teacher, and it was one of the worst years ever (and I’ve experienced some sh*t!). Now, I had a lot going on both personally and professionally at the same time. But at the end of that year, I packed up a moved to Colorado to room with a friend. #bestdecisionever
It was a fresh start. A rocky one. But fresh non-the-less.
I became a barista while returning to school for graphic design. Got an interview for my first real design job through a regular customer at the coffee shop. I stayed at that job for 12 years, learning everything I could about being a designer in the real world (cuz school just doesn’t teach that stuff, and it was a rude awakening).
I love being a designer. It is my purpose. I have struggled with imposter syndrome my whole life, and still do. There are so many reasons to feel like we aren’t good enough. I don’t think it ever goes away completely. But we can learn to push through and even succeed in spite of that feeling. You have to decide what’s important to you. What are your priorities. Then all of the decisions that you make need to align with those priorities. If you can make that happen, one decision, one choice at a time, you will alway end up who you were always meant to be.
As for me, that is being a tap dancing creative maker of things who loves bourbon and solving problems through design.
Oh, and I still make one hell of a cappuccino.
__________________________________________________
Want to know more about what we do for our clients here at Bold Dotts Design? Check out our services page here.
If you’re ready to take a deeper dive, get in touch. We’d love to hear your story.